Yes, the only person that makes me truly happy is with somebody else. But that somebody else is leaving her. That just blows my mind. How can any sane person ever want to leave her, she is more amazing than any girl I could even dream about. But, I can't have her, and instead she's with somebody who doesn't deem it necessary to stick around. I wish she could see that I would never leave. I want her, and it's as simple as that. Unfortunately, love doesn't mean anything at this point, and whatever other criteria is being used, well, I just don't measure up in that regard.
These days are just so painful. I can be in a great mood, and then I realize just how truly alone I am. And yea, that's fine, I can find somebody else, I can find new friends... but most likely that will just get me back into trouble. I'm so persistent because I know that if I could finally have one thing that I want, it would make every one of these days so much more purposeful.
I know things can get better, but it's just not feeling that way at this instant. I thought we had a connection the other day, but I guess I read it completely wrong. It was foolish. Now I'm going to end up losing the one thing that can save me.
Bob Marley:
"Only once in your life, I truly believe, you find someone who can completely turn your world around. You tell them things that you’ve never shared with another soul and they absorb everything you say and actually want to hear more. You share hopes for the future, dreams that will never come true, goals that were never achieved and the many disappointments life has thrown at you. When something wonderful happens, you can’t wait to tell them about it, knowing they will share in your excitement. They are not embarrassed to cry with you when you are hurting or laugh with you when you make a fool of yourself. Never do they hurt your feelings or make you feel like you are not good enough, but rather they build you up and show you the things about yourself that make you special and even beautiful. There is never any pressure, jealousy or competition but only a quiet calmness when they are around. You can be yourself and not worry about what they will think of you because they love you for who you are. The things that seem insignificant to most people such as a note, song or walk become invaluable treasures kept safe in your heart to cherish forever. Memories of your childhood come back and are so clear and vivid it’s like being young again. Colors seem brighter and more brilliant. Laughter seems part of daily life where before it was infrequent or didn’t exist at all. A phone call or two during the day helps to get you through a long day’s work and always brings a smile to your face. In their presence, there’s no need for continuous conversation, but you find you’re quite content in just having them nearby. Things that never interested you before become fascinating because you know they are important to this person who is so special to you. You think of this person on every occasion and in everything you do. Simple things bring them to mind like a pale blue sky, gentle wind or even a storm cloud on the horizon. You open your heart knowing that there’s a chance it may be broken one day and in opening your heart, you experience a love and joy that you never dreamed possible. You find that being vulnerable is the only way to allow your heart to feel true pleasure that’s so real it scares you. You find strength in knowing you have a true friend and possibly a soul mate who will remain loyal to the end. Life seems completely different, exciting and worthwhile. Your only hope and security is in knowing that they are a part of your life."
Well, this was that one time. Unfortunately, I'm not going to get to experience any of it anymore.
Please pray for me. I have no hope, and if God doesn't exist, then I'm really shit out of luck, because I have no other way to hopefully improve my situation.
No comments:
Post a Comment