A New Life

Yes, it is about that time. Time to change everything I've been doing for the past few years, and step up to the big leagues. I finally have a somewhat clearer head, and now I need to start focusing on getting where I want to be. This will indeed be a challenge, but as long as a few things work my way, it should be doable.

If I'm going to be honest, I'm going to focus a decent amount of energy on trying to find a girl. I don't even care if it's serious at first or not. At this point, I have needs that must be addressed, and it's basically as simple as that. I can't sit around waiting for the person I want, because it's just not going to happen, so onward I push. I have a few possibilities, but they aren't necessarily good decisions. But, at this point I'll take what I can get. It's been so long since I've had a girlfriend, a few years actually. Last time I had a girl was about two years ago. I don't like being single any longer, not that I ever really did. I was waiting around (you know, the whole reason I got all depressed and shit), but whatever. If I'm not good enough, then I'll go find somebody else who I am good enough for.

Beyond that, I need to get myself a car. I'm hoping to have this done very soon (maybe even by the weekend if I'm lucky). Once I get that taken care of, I need to find a second job, or maybe just pick up more hours at my current job. The reason I want another job, though, is because if I pick up another day at my job, it's a twelve hour shift. That's five twelve-hour days a week, and that seems like a lot. I just want to pick up a couple shorter shifts somewhere. Not sure where, but I'm gonna work on it. I might even just try to work for AT&T, see what's up with that. Gonna redo my resume probably tomorrow, and take things from there.

Once I got that all taken care of, the sky is the limit. I'm even considering moving up to New York. The only reason I want to be around here is for one person. Since that's not working out, I have no reason to stay. I might even try to go somewhere completely far away once I save up enough money. Who knows.

I was hoping that things would be a little bit smoother now. Unfortunately, they are not. I still have her rattling around in my head, it's like a disease. I don't know why I care so much about somebody who doesn't want me back. I really have to readjust my thinking, and realize that I'm essentially being told I'm not what she wants, I'm not good enough. Maybe if I keep repeating that to myself, I won't want her anymore. That's just one obstacle I have to overcome.

Then, I have to make sure I do a few personal things, keep fighting the good fight. I will do it, because I have to. This is it, it's do or die, and I'm not going out without a fight. I wish I could relax, but that will come in time. I need to find somebody to love, who loves me. And I need to fix a few more things. Then, I will be able to sleep peacefully.

I might update a little bit more if I can't sleep, but right now I'm waiting for a surprise visitor. I'm excited. Hopefully she will keep me company for awhile :).

Adieu.