Inaugural Post.

Welcome to the premier location of self loathing, complaining, and pure disdain for all things life. Okay, maybe that's going a little bit too far. I don't have pure disdain for everything about life. In all seriousness, I believe that there is a lot to enjoy during our short time in this realm of "living". I can envision being content and satisfied with the world, with life in general, with how it was all spent. Unfortunately, I just don't see myself ever reaching anything resembling happiness. I have been happy in the past. However, with each day passing, this is becoming more and more the distant past. I with I could have those days back. Maybe I would make better choices. I'd probably be done with school by now, I wouldn't have ever lost my license, I would have a car, I would have a great job, and hopefully some friends and maybe a girlfriend/fiancée/wife. Now, of course this is no guarantee, but it would be much more probable had I not fucked everything up. Because as of now, I haven't finished school, I just now got my license back after a few years, I have an okay job, I don't have friends, nor do I have any love interest (or at least one interested in me).

I've had an interesting life thus far. I've had wonderful times, and I've had some of the absolute worst times. I suppose that comes with just about everybody's lives. I just have an unshakable sadness because I used to feel that I was on top of the world. Regardless of whether or not I did, I felt like I had everything I needed. A recipe for happiness, I had all of the ingredients. But somewhere along the way, I prepared it all, and maybe i just overcooked it. Because now, I'm just a burnt out mess. It doesn't matter if you have all the pieces, but it's how you use them. Now, I don't even have any of the pieces to use.

My original blog can be found here. I started this blog and retired that one due to a bit of a security breach. The URL fell into the hands of somebody whom I didn't want to have it. I like to blog, regardless of who its for. I just do it for me, actually. I wasn't aware that so many people actually read up on me. I would receive facebook messages from people I had never even met regarding my blog. But, anything posted on here is not meant to be looked at as a cry for help. I just like to vent onto my keyboard. Something about just typing out everything in my head helps relieve at least a smallest bit of stress that is constantly plaguing me. I'm anxious all day, usually fueled even more so by boredom, and this is my outlet. If you check out that link above, you can probably see that the second to last post (and a few before that) were suggesting that I was considering ending my own life. I don't really want to be seen as somebody who needs help. I simply think that this may be the only option I have to finally alleviate myself from all of the madness going on in my head all day and night. I don't want to have to wake up anymore, and try to convince myself that this is a battle worth fighting. I've lost my confidence in that belief, and genuinely just want it all to end.

I'm going to not post so much regarding that, but it's certainly an issue on the table. So, maybe I won't be updating this blog for very long, anyway. Lately, I've had people trying to guilt me into staying alive , like my family. From my point of view, I shouldn't have to keep struggling daily just to appease them. If I don't want to feel worthless and alone anymore, I shouldn't have to. There's no fix. I give up..

Either way, I'll try to keep this up to date, with some fillers here and there. I might even incorporate some pictures or videos, make it somewhat entertaining rather than just me blabbing about how shitty my life is all the time. That is not a promise, though. It will most likely just be more of my incessant rambling.

One last thing, please don't go handing out this URL to my family. I live with my parents, so I have to hear shit from them all the time about all sorts of other things. My blog should not have to be one of them. Thanks.