The Smallest Things...

I came across this video while browsing through my Facebook news feed. Having been in this same situation, sitting on a street corner, hoping for some charity, some humanity, this video really touched me. I can see why there is disagreement about whether giving money to the homeless is a good thing or not, but having met the people from being on the streets, I know that the smallest gesture of kindness touches lives unimaginably. Unless you have been in the same setting, you can't possibly understand how even a dollar can really make the difference in somebody's day.

I could write about this for days, and I probably will in due time, but I just wanted to get this video posted before I forgot about it.

FRIDAY!

It's Friday, Friday, gotta get down on fried-eggs.

Anyway, I had a ridiculously busy day at work. I didn't even leave the kiosk until 10:15ish. By the end of the day, I ended up selling 10 phones on an upgrade, and 4 new activations. To be honest, the first two months I was in sales I was lucky to do half of that in a week. On Monday I did 4.5 phones (I think 3 new and 3 upgrades, which count as 0.5), Tuesday I didn't do anything because I didn't feel so great, Wednesday I did 1 (2 upgrades), and then today, 9 (the 10 ups and 4 news). That makes for a pretty killer week, and I still have all day tomorrow! I plan on being extra awesome tomorrow as well. I'm glad that I'm finally getting in the groove.

I did meet a nice girl today. Only problem, she's eighteen. However, at this point, I'm completely shit out of luck with the girl that I want to spend my life with, so I guess I'll just take whatever comes around. This isn't to say she's just something that comes around, but I just know that I won't have the same feelings as I do for my dream girl. I'll just do my thing, and hope that she comes around, even though that's most likely never going to happen. I am starved for love and attention, so maybe this Kate girl will be a good thing for me. She works in the mall, so that's nice. And it looks like I might be working more at Granite Run. If this would have happened a month ago, I would have been worried. But, I actually seem to do better at Granite Run. I think it's because there isn't the temptation to just sit behind the desks all day. So, I'm content!

As for everything else, I don't know. Yesterday was a nice day off. I hung out with Amy and Webster. We all played tennis, and then went through a trail in the woods. It was a great adventure, considering how beautiful it was outside. I plan on doing more stuff like that in the near future, especially tennis. I really hope that a certain somebody actually does play with me, like she says she will. That would be awesome, because she's actually really good, and it would give me somebody to really play. I always have my sister, too, but I desperately want to see this other certain somebody, under any and all circumstances.

It's been a decent past three days, actually. Wednesday alone at King of Prussia was really awesome. I just basically hit on every girl that walked by. I also got to play the Nintendo 3DS, which was nothing short of absolutely amazing. Seriously, go to the King of Prussia mall, by the Starbucks, and TRY THAT SHIT! It's incredible. Then yesterday's adventure was a nice way to get out of the house, and then my ridiculous day of selling phones today. Hopefully tomorrow can continue the streak. This is the longest I've gone without actually wanting to give it all up. It's a good thing, that's for sure.

As for now, I'm going to try my best to get some rest. I should be able to sleep like a baby, considering I was up at 6:30 this morning. But, strangely enough, I'm not tired. I was as soon as I got home, when I was watching TV in the living room. But now that I'm upstairs, laying in my bed, typing all of this, I'm not sleepy in the slightest bit. Hopefully that will change once the laptop closes, my eyes close, and the darkness begins to assist in the production of melatonin.

Goodnight, crazy people!

Blog Notice!

According to the stats on my blog, this one still seems to be getting a good portion of the visits. I don't know if I didn't really make it clear, but I'm most likely going to be neglecting this blog for the most part, in favor of the continuation of my previous blog. I will be posting mostly again on my "The Rantings of a Mad Man." blog. You can reach it by clicking over to http://dxsire.blogspot.com. So, please start going to that link if you are interested in reading about the most recent happenings in my life.

If you have any questions, feel free to email me at sonsalla@gmail.com and I'd be more than happy to respond to any and all curiosity sent my way.

Hope everybody is having a wonderful life!

Posting on the other blog again.

I have started posting on my more infamous blog, the one I started out with. You can view it here. I'll probably stick to that one.

If I could just fix this one thing..

Yes, the only person that makes me truly happy is with somebody else. But that somebody else is leaving her. That just blows my mind. How can any sane person ever want to leave her, she is more amazing than any girl I could even dream about. But, I can't have her, and instead she's with somebody who doesn't deem it necessary to stick around. I wish she could see that I would never leave. I want her, and it's as simple as that. Unfortunately, love doesn't mean anything at this point, and whatever other criteria is being used, well, I just don't measure up in that regard.

These days are just so painful. I can be in a great mood, and then I realize just how truly alone I am. And yea, that's fine, I can find somebody else, I can find new friends... but most likely that will just get me back into trouble. I'm so persistent because I know that if I could finally have one thing that I want, it would make every one of these days so much more purposeful.

I know things can get better, but it's just not feeling that way at this instant. I thought we had a connection the other day, but I guess I read it completely wrong. It was foolish. Now I'm going to end up losing the one thing that can save me.

Bob Marley:
"Only once in your life, I truly believe, you find someone who can completely turn your world around. You tell them things that you’ve never shared with another soul and they absorb everything you say and actually want to hear more. You share hopes for the future, dreams that will never come true, goals that were never achieved and the many disappointments life has thrown at you. When something wonderful happens, you can’t wait to tell them about it, knowing they will share in your excitement. They are not embarrassed to cry with you when you are hurting or laugh with you when you make a fool of yourself. Never do they hurt your feelings or make you feel like you are not good enough, but rather they build you up and show you the things about yourself that make you special and even beautiful. There is never any pressure, jealousy or competition but only a quiet calmness when they are around. You can be yourself and not worry about what they will think of you because they love you for who you are. The things that seem insignificant to most people such as a note, song or walk become invaluable treasures kept safe in your heart to cherish forever. Memories of your childhood come back and are so clear and vivid it’s like being young again. Colors seem brighter and more brilliant. Laughter seems part of daily life where before it was infrequent or didn’t exist at all. A phone call or two during the day helps to get you through a long day’s work and always brings a smile to your face. In their presence, there’s no need for continuous conversation, but you find you’re quite content in just having them nearby. Things that never interested you before become fascinating because you know they are important to this person who is so special to you. You think of this person on every occasion and in everything you do. Simple things bring them to mind like a pale blue sky, gentle wind or even a storm cloud on the horizon. You open your heart knowing that there’s a chance it may be broken one day and in opening your heart, you experience a love and joy that you never dreamed possible. You find that being vulnerable is the only way to allow your heart to feel true pleasure that’s so real it scares you. You find strength in knowing you have a true friend and possibly a soul mate who will remain loyal to the end. Life seems completely different, exciting and worthwhile. Your only hope and security is in knowing that they are a part of your life."

Well, this was that one time. Unfortunately, I'm not going to get to experience any of it anymore.

Please pray for me. I have no hope, and if God doesn't exist, then I'm really shit out of luck, because I have no other way to hopefully improve my situation.

good night!!

My visitor showed up, and made me feel so much better. I just got in. I'm jamming out to some pretty sick songs. But, I guess I should try to sleep because I work tomorrow. I just wanted to update and say that tonight just became nice, thank god. Hopefully I have my friend back :). Just what I need, some love!

A New Life

Yes, it is about that time. Time to change everything I've been doing for the past few years, and step up to the big leagues. I finally have a somewhat clearer head, and now I need to start focusing on getting where I want to be. This will indeed be a challenge, but as long as a few things work my way, it should be doable.

If I'm going to be honest, I'm going to focus a decent amount of energy on trying to find a girl. I don't even care if it's serious at first or not. At this point, I have needs that must be addressed, and it's basically as simple as that. I can't sit around waiting for the person I want, because it's just not going to happen, so onward I push. I have a few possibilities, but they aren't necessarily good decisions. But, at this point I'll take what I can get. It's been so long since I've had a girlfriend, a few years actually. Last time I had a girl was about two years ago. I don't like being single any longer, not that I ever really did. I was waiting around (you know, the whole reason I got all depressed and shit), but whatever. If I'm not good enough, then I'll go find somebody else who I am good enough for.

Beyond that, I need to get myself a car. I'm hoping to have this done very soon (maybe even by the weekend if I'm lucky). Once I get that taken care of, I need to find a second job, or maybe just pick up more hours at my current job. The reason I want another job, though, is because if I pick up another day at my job, it's a twelve hour shift. That's five twelve-hour days a week, and that seems like a lot. I just want to pick up a couple shorter shifts somewhere. Not sure where, but I'm gonna work on it. I might even just try to work for AT&T, see what's up with that. Gonna redo my resume probably tomorrow, and take things from there.

Once I got that all taken care of, the sky is the limit. I'm even considering moving up to New York. The only reason I want to be around here is for one person. Since that's not working out, I have no reason to stay. I might even try to go somewhere completely far away once I save up enough money. Who knows.

I was hoping that things would be a little bit smoother now. Unfortunately, they are not. I still have her rattling around in my head, it's like a disease. I don't know why I care so much about somebody who doesn't want me back. I really have to readjust my thinking, and realize that I'm essentially being told I'm not what she wants, I'm not good enough. Maybe if I keep repeating that to myself, I won't want her anymore. That's just one obstacle I have to overcome.

Then, I have to make sure I do a few personal things, keep fighting the good fight. I will do it, because I have to. This is it, it's do or die, and I'm not going out without a fight. I wish I could relax, but that will come in time. I need to find somebody to love, who loves me. And I need to fix a few more things. Then, I will be able to sleep peacefully.

I might update a little bit more if I can't sleep, but right now I'm waiting for a surprise visitor. I'm excited. Hopefully she will keep me company for awhile :).

Adieu.